Journeying through Failure.

We never opt in for failure, but it does happen. In life, you will be tested in every aspect of life and it is up to you whether you are going to pull through or drown in your failure.

I gain the most anxiety during anything I am being tested on. If it is going to affect my career, money, and family, I most likely will be nervous. No matter how much I prepare the nerves still remain. If you don’t know me aside from my blog and social media, you would know that I am in the Armed Forces, Air Force to be exact. We take numerous test such as Fitness Evaluation, Career Development Courses, Non-Commissioned Officer Courses etc. Basically courses that will provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to become a successful leader. 

My first encounter with my anxiety was when I failed my Fitness Evaluation. I gave birth to my daughter in May 2013 and tested later that year. Prior to me having my daughter, I was able to go out and do my evaluation with little to no practice. What airman White did NOT know was that her body was no longer the same. I missed one of the required fields by 4 measly points and that failure stuck with me. Every time I heard PT my stomach crumbled. Just the thought of failing again could mess up my entire military career. My supervisor was very encouraging and assured me that I was fine BUT I better pass the next test.  

Fast Forward to 2015, it’s time to move into the ranks of Sergeant. We had the option to take the Airman Leadership School by reading the books and testing on our own or attending the Airman Leadership School. I always felt like I needed to be in a classroom setting to learn and I simply could not read the books and pass. The waiting list for the schooling was ridiculous which kept pushing back my time to promote. So I had a “Come to Jesus moment” with myself. “Leah, do you want this money or naw? Do you want to become a Staff Sergeant or naw?” Is what I had to ask myself. From that day forward I carved an hour out of each day to study. I occasionally turned down hanging out with my friends but if I did decide to go out, I made sure I studied before I left. 

So, I have this weird theory that I stick to whenever something big is coming up for me. Are you ready? I DON’T TELL ANYONE! I barely wanted to tell leadership that I was taking the test and here is why. We never know how things are going to go when we walk into the testing room or whatever it may be. So to save me from the embarrassment of the annoying question of “Did you pass?” I just kept it to myself until I knew the mission was complete. I actually recently had a bad experience with this. For some ODD reason I was spreading the word that I was taking this test and just my luck it didn’t go as planned. No coincidence in my eyes because I feel so strongly about my theory.

Back to my ALS testing. The day of my first test, I told my leadership I was testing and not to tell anyone. He gave me a questionable look and asked the question why. I simply stated I didn’t want anyone to know. I walked into the testing room sweating bullets, with wet palms. With every click of the mouse, I was praying to the good Lord. I came out of both exams a victor!

I share this story to say that, one failure does not determine the result of everything else that you will encounter in life. I won’t lie I still get anxiety and I still have days when I fail. We can accomplish the task at hand because we have done it before. Doubting yourself due to premature failure will not help with your future success.